I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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