I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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