I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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