That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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