and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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