Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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