I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
whose parrot is this?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
