dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
