note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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