We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
