Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You are a genius and a whore.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
