Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
