You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
