Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
