my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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