found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
