could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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