She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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