Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize