so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
