Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
