yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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