kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
And then he peed in my hair
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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