whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
