you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
