i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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