The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
