You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
