dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
