Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
