Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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