the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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