My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
