I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize