Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
