Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
