He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA