She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.