Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  Your an asshole

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Actually, it's "you're an asshole"

  (954): View more from Florida

  My point exactly

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  (954): Your an asshole (1-954): Actually, it's "you're an asshole" (954): My point exactly http://tfl.nu/txzi
  Replies (47) Good night (3525) Bad night (742)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.

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  (512): Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me. (405): I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me. (512): Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked. http://tfl.nu/bn4w
  Replies (64) Good night (2745) Bad night (813)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.

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  (301): I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/sbm1
  Replies (91) Good night (31280) Bad night (1205)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.

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  (816): I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ. http://tfl.nu/y7u3
  Replies (16) Good night (4155) Bad night (737)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."

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  (802): We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money." http://tfl.nu/9u0b
  Replies (12) Good night (1261) Bad night (5891)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce

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  (917): my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce http://tfl.nu/158e
  Replies (41) Good night (1104) Bad night (3066)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.

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  (+44): Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS. http://tfl.nu/15we
  Replies (16) Good night (1645) Bad night (3383)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again

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  (630): I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again http://tfl.nu/jwke
  Replies (1) Good night (1893) Bad night (852)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.

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  (914): Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night. http://tfl.nu/nj6b
  Replies (3) Good night (2194) Bad night (536)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts

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  (256): 2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts http://tfl.nu/zqnp
  Replies (8) Good night (1277) Bad night (580)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language

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  (763): It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language http://tfl.nu/6vub
  Replies (4) Good night (1805) Bad night (1179)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.

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  (248): He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it. http://tfl.nu/f1b3
  Replies (2) Good night (1147) Bad night (638)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.

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  (501): My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone. http://tfl.nu/7x1i
  Replies (6) Good night (1669) Bad night (424)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.

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  (412): I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help. http://tfl.nu/c3ar
  Replies (5) Good night (365) Bad night (714)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.

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  (860): Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building. http://tfl.nu/u27k
  Replies (1) Good night (388) Bad night (301)

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