I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
