i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The air was thick with penises
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
These tits shall not be calmed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
