Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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