my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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