The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
