We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just threw up on my dentist
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
