I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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