Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
