I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
