decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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