My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.