So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?