Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.