I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So how was he last night?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
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Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house