What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.