Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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