I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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