So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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