Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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