just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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