If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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