there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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