quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
