Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's just like the Real World with babies
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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