You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
