the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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