just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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