he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
